the life of hips

I'm so sick of people making promises and breaking them, or just completely not following through with what they say. I'm so sick of people disappointing other people.
I'm so sick of it.

So in honor of disappointing people, a google image for: disappointment.

i quit all drama all together.

and i hate emoticons.

Happy Birthday Colby!! Hurrah! Who's excited??

In honor of you, I did a google image search for: Colby is 19.



Have a good one, pal.

oi vey. this is going to be one busy week.

i've got a history paper that i can either turn in tomorrow or thursday. it's on that frederick douglass book, so if you've ever read it, and would like to add some input to it, just let me know.
i've got a paper for oral comm on a postman book and the criticism of the media due sometime before wednesday.
i've got a chem lab due thursday
i've got to pack.

oi vey

but yo, i get to go to knoxville on friday for the weekend! whoooo's excited?? yay!!

today has really been wasted thus far. i've done nothing except some egrade. then we hung out with adam. then, the worst idea ever came true...
that idea is for 4 girls to eat an entire jar of salsa. now all that remains are a few empty water bottles, an empty jar of salsa, an empty gallon of milk, two empty chip bags and half a loaf of bread.

oh, and we are all feeling the wrath of the salsa... baaaad call.
well, scout's asleep in sydney's bed, so i think i might follow that idea and go take a little nappypoo as well.

then i absolutely must do homework. so no distracting molly... okay?

i can't do it. i won't do it. this is not my job to be responsible for you. if you wanna sneak back over to the guys side, do it. don't let me freak out because of where you could be. call me when you decide, not an hour and a half later. if you aren't going to call me when it matters the most, then don't bother doing it at all. it isn't my job. it isn't my job to be woken up at 3:30 by multiple phone calls from you. if you thought i might be worried. screw it. apparently you didn't think i was worried before that. really. i have church at 8. everyone knew that. it isn't like it would be some big surprise if i were asleep four and a half hours before i had to be there. i don't care what you do. you have your own lives. but you really really, don't have to screw up mine because of it.

this isn't my job. i am not supposed to be woken up by my dorm phone ringing repeatedly, and then when i answer, someone hang up. i'm not supposed to realize that it was my roommate on the phone, and that she called my cell phone too, but i missed that. i'm not supposed to freakin jump out of bed when i realize that it is three thirty. i'm not supposed to call my roommate a total of six times without her answering. i'm not supposed to worry for the next fifteen minutes about what in the world could have happened to her. how I haven't seen her in almost five hours. how horrible things could have happened to her, and that is why she can't answer her phone now. I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.

it's your life. not mine. don't screw mine up because of whatever you want to do. i don't care anymore.

i'm not supposed to. it isn't my job. i quit. i refuse to be jerked around like that.

whatever.

part of me wishes that I had never written certain things in here, because I'm sick and tired of it when people ask me about it. It is the most frustruating thing ever. I mean, yeah you read em, and maybe you're concerned or whatever, but I mean. also, it's my journal. you don't have to read it. but i don't want to be practically forced into going places I don't want to go, and I don't want you to ask me if you are my friend ten times every day. just calm down. everything will be okay. you don't need to treat me any differently.

i am fine.

thank you for listening to me rant.

things are getting better. slowly, but yes.

pssst... I'm not an alcoholic.... the layout was just pretty to me so I had to take it yo.

I think I'm getting sick... like, my temperature is 98... (which isn't a fever to you normal people, but it kinda is for me because normally i'm like 97 or so...) but anyways. I woke up twice today drenched in sweat and feeling like I was going to vomit. and every now and then I get really hot and sweaty and have to sit/lie down. it's sad. so if I get sick within the next little bit, I'll let ya know.

Last night was very interesting. Two steak n shake visits in one night is something I will not be participating in for a good while... I'll write more about all that later, but I'm being paged for "lunch" ya know... at 4...

latertaters.

hoorah! a new layout! whooooo's excited?

if you would ever want to pray for me, now is the time. i really need it.

here I am, at like 12:30 in the morning, bawling my eyes out as quietly as I can so I don't wake my roommate up. and I've been crying like this for over 30 minutes now. I'm going to tell you what has been going on inside me for the past six months. if you don't care, then don't bother reading. maybe none of you will read, but it is all just stuff that I had to say.

the world that i once felt so safe in is now shattered. it's like it was a glass house, that everyone knew what was going on, and knew my vulnerabilities. and it is shattered. and i am alone.

i'm facing a tough decision. to stay? or go? i've wanted to leave memphis ever since i got here. i've had times where it has been really good. we all know that i have had times when it has been really bad. and i think that i could definitely achieve happiness if i wanted to. then about a week ago, it all came together. i knew why i was here. in two hours, i knew why everything had happened to me for the past six months. it all made sense. and then it just came to a screeching halt. i don't have friends here. and i don't like that. it's the saddest thing i have ever had to deal with. i've never been as alone as i am right now. and it hurts. i hurt so much inside. and i don't know what to do. i'm so lonely. but I know it's a God thing. I just have to turn everything over to Him, and it will all be okay. and it's hard. it's hard to know that i have no friends within a 200 mile radius. it hurts that i feel like i can't trust anyone. I'm changing, and it is all God's will.

if I look at all the differences between this march, and march of my senior year, it's astonishing. I think to some extent I have been bolder when asked about my faith, but I have no been as bold in declaring it outright. last year I'd look to God when I needed help and guidance, or when I was sad. this year, I always praise God for the happy days he puts in my life, but when the sad days roll around, I don't ask God for help. last year, I was totally and 100% involved in my church. I went to bible studies. I was just all about the Word and God. But now, this year, I've been to church five times. I went to a bible study once maybe. it's been hard finding where I can fit. and i just need to pray about it.

I know that God is preparing me to do something. I wouldn't be going through this for no reason. I'm going to emerge soon. I'm going to be happy. and most of all, I am going to be on fire for God.

please, if this post offends you or makes you mad in any way, then don't comment and be rude. that is the last thing I need. I just had to say everything that was happening. I had to get it out. I can't pretend to be happy when I'm not. I am sick and tired of pretending. I want to be real. I need your prayers, not your insults. thank you.

96% Of The Internet Loves Me!

I am loved by 96% of the population, including: 15872 people who love happy people 12665 people who love geeks 14066 people who love young people In return, I love 95% of the population, including: 2640 quiz makers 11631 geeks 480 doctors

show the love at spacefem.com

i sooo need to go to sleep...

Cowboy Bebop - YOUR bounty by Drusilla
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tonight was.... interesting i guess....

Kemp: "Butters, try mah apple fritter"

This entertained me for a while. If you've got time... read it.

i feel like absolute crap. my belly hurts a whoooooole bunch...

I'm only doing this as a favor to Colby

Want Ad

19-year-old male seeks compassionate, loving 18-24 single female. Must be committed Christian who is willing to be part of a lifetime of happiness, joy, and perhaps even wealth. Must not smoke, drink, curse, or have dated heavily in the past. Height 5'2"-5'10" preferred. Will consider any race, but preferably white or Armenian. Must enjoy the outdoors and have lots of free time to listen. Interested candidates can e-mail datejohnnow@yahoo.com for more information. All applicants will be considered.

so. it's official. i hate boys.

You are -4% geek

Boy, you really broke through the bottom on this one. You are SO not geek. I recommend staying away from conventions, computer stores, colleges, universities, or anywhere else people might display the slightest interest in something other than what's on TV at the present moment. Your mere presence among geeks of any degree is incredibly dangerous to the continued existence of the known universe. Here, I'll say it slow so you can understand: Anti-geek + Geek = Big Boom. Now go read a book, for god's sake.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

update from nashville, the land of all that is good.

Well let's see.... I got here thursday evening. didn't do much of anything that I can remember.
Friday... I went to the evil doctor. I just absolutely hate doctors. hate em hate em hate em. They took my blood, did strep tests, did stuff, and they have no idea what is wrong with me. they gave me a prescription (which I think I lost) and said "well, I'm going to put you on this, and if it doesn't do anything, which is what I expect, then when you come home for the summer, I think you should go to an ear nose and throat specialist". isn't that great? eeee! so now I have a bruise on my arm. that bites. to make up for sucky doctors, i went to great harvest. had me a gooood sandwich. the boy was there, and he gave me a $3 discount. ooh, that was nice, he talked to me about college and such. what a nice boy. oh how i do love being a girl... so then I hung around friday til about 6, which is when colby told me that he hates brads guts. then i met annalise and brad in cool springs. we wanted to go to pie in the sky, but it has moved, in case you were wondering. so we meet at sonic. we then decide to go to jonathans. we park in the parking lot of the mall, and brad takes us into a grass field to kill us or something. we see that there is an hour and a half wait, so we leave. we find the new pie in the sky, and eat there, and then we stayed there for like an hour after we finished eating. we did fun things, like marry the salt and pepper, we made a sculpure, and... I guess that's about it.

Saturday, I woke up at 8:30, to my mom yelling that I had to meet Colby at 9. so I get up, and get ready, and get there. he doesn't drink coffee, so who knows why he picked Fido. but I got me a good rollover, and we talked for like close to three hours about nonsense. it's a wonder what you can talk about with someone you had met twice before. what a nice boy. so then I rush over to Ginza to eat some good bento boxes with Lizzydizzy, Carly, and Raygray. We stay there for forever, and then leave to go over to the mall. I got a J. Lo. lookin jacket for less than five bucks, and left happy. til got outside. little did we know that in the fifteen minutes we were in there, that a storm would develop and knock branches down, play with the power, and scare the bejeezus out of people. so that was that, I went home cleaned, then went too the grandaddy of all tourist crap stores, Cotton Eyed Joe. it was amazing. cousin rachel and I decided that this summer we are definitely going to go to the Wildhorse and step it up with some line dancing. rachel's dad went to eckerd's and bought "chili and lime flavored pocorn" (i kid you not) for seventeen cents. that was an experience. everyone has to try it. so I went home, set the lovliest of tables, because Netty (my brother's wife) had her parents over to our house for dinner. Mama and Papa Oogle were delightful at dinner. Then crazy liz came over, and we got her some ice cream. those have been my days here. more to come later, but of course... here are some pictures. sorry they take upso much space...

our fun trip to get some good ole pizza at pie in the sky:


We married the salt and pepper

and made a sculpture/centerpiece...

My trips on saturday:


At CEJ, my cousin got close to Georgy W...


All in all, my friends were all happy to see me. Including:
Annalise, aka Double A

Brad, aka Bradleylee

Colby, aka... uhh Colby Pickle, Sydney's dead gerbil

Rachel, aka Cousin Rachel, or Raygray

Carla, aka Carly

Lizzy, aka Dizzy


What a happy time for all.

since "Indianna Jones" made a comment in my last post about the prom picture, I googled her name. If anyone cares what great pictures came up, feel free to look. Otherwise these are for you ramrod.

Numero Uno
Numero Dos
Numero Tres

Stole this from some random journal.

1. Google your first name.
2. Go to the image tab.
3. Pick your three favorite images.

Here are mine
Image 1
Image 2
Image 3

this one's just for you linds, cause I know what you'll say when you see it.

okay... who is it that called and woke me up? I would like to thank you by name, but the number confused me, and seeing as to how I had just woken up, I kinda just went with the flow. So step up. You're my new favorite person. Leave me a comment and lemme know who ya are...

I get to make up my chem test! yay! Now the only thing is, that I have to be at his office at 8:30 tomorrow morning. I'm counting on all of you to call me and wake me up. call at 901-678-6713. yay! call! 8! wake me up!

yay! quizzes!

I suck at life. I just completely slept through my completely "can't make this up" chemistry exam. So now, I have to do insanely well on the final so it will count. isuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuckisuck.

i hate girls who leave cookies in the oven. especially when they cause two fire drills.
if i were friends with that girl, the friendship just might have to end.

i have a bad case of the coughs. it's no good. i think that i have been smoking for the past 10 years, without knowing it myself.
things haven't been really going all that great lately. i've discussed issues in the past entries of mine. others I haven't.
lots of changes have been going on, lots of things have remained the same.
wow. this is the worst journal entry ever.

I actually had a pretty good weekend this weekend. Friday night, we hung out with the 6th floor boys in 'room ramrod'. That was a grand ole time, and I guess if we go up to the 6th floor anyore, I might just tag along... that is assuming the girls are allowed in the room. Saturday, sydney and i went shopping (bad idea) and bought things (another bad idea). After shopping, syd and i went to pick out a movie. We ended up with the movie 'Anguish'. It was a movie within a movie within a movie within a movie. Whew, that was confusing. we definitely reccommend it. it's a good one.

I've decided to stop feeling bad/sad about being here. it isn't getting anything done other than people feeling sorry for me, and that is not what I want. I know that I will be okay. and that helps me to feel more okay now. So yeah, I'm feeling much better than I have in a while. I've even made some new friends in the past few weeks, so yay for me.
That's about it.
Oooh- Will update--- I went to lunch with him thursday. it was okay. although apparently his 'bestfriend' here doesn't know how many people (nor who) he has dated. i find that interesting as to why he is ashamed about it or whatever. I'm supposed to go to lunch with him thursday, but I'm not going to. something about him within the past few days upset me and everyone around me, so that's over. I'll update you on how many times he tries to get in touch with me- if he tries.
Okay, well that's it. I've got a chem test tomorrow. wish me luck.

brian and i are no longer together. i don't want to talk about it. i just thought you should all know.

okay kids, i got my hair cut.
it was a scary time for me.
i have bang-lookin-things.

i will have decent pictures up later, but for now you'll have to deal with these from when i was sick and my mom wanted to see my hair. here you go.

just when i think i've gotten to a high point. i skyrocket down it seems.

looking for love?

Some more sites I thought I'd show the rest of you (that is if you haven't already seen them)...

Where all my school clothes come from

the kind of music you need to avoid

our favorite import from greece

one of the funniest men alive

another funny man, not so much alive

need some party entertainment?

study the bible. now.

stir the pot, of love

more to come if i get this bored again. okay. enough updating for today... must... stop...

everyone needs to drop whatever it is you are doing, and go here

i stole this from someone's blog. don't hate me. i just really liked it.

Curiousity got the better of me.
I came here to say goodbye,
but all I could say was hello.
An I love you to grow on,
and I was out the door.
I had enough of you,
You weren't important.
Next day, I tested your doorbell...
eight times.
The sprinklers work,
smoke alarm is ready,
but my heart will never be healed.
How can someone be so cruel?
How can someone be so beautiful?
How can someone be so... you?

i have three new boyfriends.

i know you'll want them too.

here i am going to sleep at 12. hopefully i will fall asleep now, and stay asleep until i have to wake up at 8. wish me luck.

sometimes i just don't understand people. like me and a friend were talking last night about why people change to fit the crowd. most girls change when boys are introduced to a group. that has got to be the most frustruating thing ever. why? why do lots of girls do this? why are girls less fun when they are around boys? i hate it. i hate it so much. who knows. maybe part of it has to do with the fact that i don't really have a boy right now, but i like to think that at the times that i actually do have a boy, i don't act like these girls. if i ever have, please please please let me know. because i don't want to be as fake as them. never do i want to be fake like that.

stacey, i mean, sweet introduced me to a new song. yes, it is kelly clarkson, but it is a lot like me right now.

Kelly Clarkson- Low

Everybody's talking
But they don't say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don't want the sympathy
Its cool you didn't want me
Sometimes you can't go back
But why'd you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low

No I don't need your number
There's nothing left to say
Except I never thought it'd hurt this much to be sane
My friends are outside waiting
I've gotta go

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)

I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can't say that
Here's to show
For all the time I loved you so
So

Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cause what you did was low

dashboard is good in times like these.

i think things are getting worse in memphis. i mean, yeah, i know more people, and that is good, but i think at times that makes it worse. i am so tired. physically and mentally. i get maybe four hours of sleep a night. it's been like that for about a month. even over spring break that's how much i got. i got like 6 hours one night out of the past month. and that isn't healthy. i'm so fatigued, but i can't ever sleep. today i had a terrible migraine for like 8 hours. i mean 8 hours of excruciating pain that i couldn't help. i took two tylenols and two excedrin migraines, and it didn't really help. i cried myself to sleep this afternoon, and i only slept for 30 minutes. that's been my only nap in weeks. I woke up from my nap to realize that I slept through one of my classes and that i was burning up and sweaty. I took my temperature and it was only like 97 degrees. so life has not been good with sleep. some of the people i am around make me feel like i am back in high school, which is not the feeling i want to have when i am in college. they are just so immature and stupid about things. i'm sick of it all. i'm sick of girls changing how they act when they are around boys. i'm sick of going places i don't want to go.i'm sick of everything. and i mean, i don't know what to do. it seems like i for real have hit rock bottom this year, and it's been real tough. i mean i've met some cool people here, and i am glad that i know the people i do, and i'm sure i've grown as a person, so it isn't all bad. but it is really hard to see the positive when you are in a place you truly hate. i remember that before i got here, i was terrified about my roommate... that i wouldn't like her, or something terrible would happen. and now i am afraid again. my roommate now (who is the best) is going back home to little rock in the fall. the other three girls that i'm close to currently life on my floor now, and this is where they are living next year. i, on the other hand, am moving into the on campus apartments.i was supposed to room with one of my friends over there, but when we were in line to register, she decided she didn't want to do it, and just left me there (i have plenty of other issues with this girl now, so i guess it is for the best, but that is where it all started) and so now i am rooming with three complete strangers on the other side of campus. and i just know that none of us will talk to each other anymore. and i know that all you kids are gonna read this and be like 'oh yes we will! we will still do stuff' and you are going to say that, and i'll agree, but i know it won't happen. the reason we have become so close is because we live next door to each other and across the hall from each other. we don't have classes together. i bet if i would still have been living on the 4th floor, we never would have met. and so it's just going to be hard all over again in the fall. i'm not going to like it more. i'm going to hate it more. and there is nothing i can do to change it. sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing by coming here. its something i have a lot of doubts about, because i have struggled more in the past 8 months, than i have in the past 18 years. so i was talking to a friend back home, and she might go to mtsu in the fall, so i had the bright idea of transferring there next spring, so we could get an apartment together or something. that would be amazing. she is a great girl whom i love very dearly. but anyways. just you guys know that i am struggling a lot with everything going on. it's hard stuff. i love you all dearly, and i'll be okay. just know that i have to get out of here. keep me in your prayers.

*HUGS* TOTAL!
give iamhips more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

i am so terribly exhausted. but i can't sleep.
what is my problem?

i don't like life.

Get to know the REAL you by crash_and_burn
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You Are A:	Classic Rocker
Your Favorite Band/Song	Pink Floyd - Bike
You Like To Read:	Sheet music
You Firmly Believe In:	Nudity
Everyone Thinks You Are:	The coolest person in history
You Were Conceived:	On the 30-yard line
You Will Marry:	An Italian plumber
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My Iraqi Leadership Name is Mullah al-Ubaydi al-Jizrawi Sulayman Amin.
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and i must stop getting new names....
time for a nap after spring break.
eventually i'll make a real update, but don't i always say that?

in the past twenty four hours i have watched:
-Under the Tuscan Sun
-Sleepless In Seattle
-Return to Me
-Sleepless in Seattle (yes, again)

I am such a girl. such a girl.

You are CLARISSA EXPLAINS IT ALL. She is a rad
chick with absolutely no fashion sense. If you
are a guy and chose this... you are gay.


Which old school Nickelodeon show are you?
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My Mormon name is Marolyn Davian!
What's yours?